During my years in California, I found myself often regaling the folks there with stories of Washington. And since I've returned to Washington, mine is the voice that speaks to the nature of the Californian. I consider both states a home, and as such, have my likes and dislikes about both of them. So I thought I'd share.
California: The Bad
1. Nutties and Crazies everywhere, always harassing you for change, food, alcohol, or their pet squidget named Muddy McForbanks.
2. Everything is brown and there are few trees. My nickname for it was "The Wasteland."
3. Things are massively more expensive (especially apartments: take for example, a huge 1 Bedroom apartment. In Berkeley, $1600 a month, and it's actually a tiny 1 bedroom apartment, with no closet space. In Auburn, $550 a month, and not only is it huge, but you've got a full kitchen, giant living room, dining room, bathroom, walk-in closets, and a patio. See what I mean?)
4. Lower minimum wage ($6.75 in CA, $7.16 in WA).
5. More pollution, meaning constantly hazy skies and water that smells like ass.
6. Bazillions more people, meaning more competition for jobs, apartments, and most importantly, parking spaces.
7. Lots of hippies who abhor cars and refuse to make any more parking spaces.
8. Traffic. All of the time. Everywhere.
9. It's really loud all of the time, everywhere. It's surprising how you find that you can get used to things like police sirens, fire engines, car alarms, traffic, people yelling, and shopping carts going up and down the sidewalk all night long.
10. Hypocrites. People who make over 6-digit incomes a year, drive their SUVs to work, mow down all the surrounding trees, and would sell their own children for the heck of it who pretend to be peace-loving, tree-hugging, homeless-helping, good people. Assholes.
Washington: The Bad
1. Single-minded back-country hicks. They're everywhere.
2. It rains all of the time. No really. All of the time.
3. Everyone is really religious so you can't talk about things like "goat-fucking" without someone getting offended. Psh!
4. There isn't a whole lot of diversity. You've met one person...you've met them all.
5. My hometown has had the highest teenage pregnancy rate for decades. Enough said.
6. My hometown is also home to the serial killer to kill the MOST people in the entire history of the United States AKA The Green River Killer. Washington also holds claim to other serial killers, including Ted Bundy, who went to school with several of my friends' parents.
7. Mullets. They're everywhere.
8. If you don't want to drink or see a movie and you're not a major nature buff, there's nothing to do. And there's nowhere to go to do anything either. Might as well drink.
9. The whole place resembles the scene in the movie entitled "great place to dump a body." Makes you feel real safe.
10. Lots of Native American Reservations, which serves as a constant reminder of what the government has done to them, as well as provides tons of casinos everywhere. Casinos are fun. But they're ugly.
California: The Good
1. There are jobs where there is less restraint on your appearance and actions...meaning you can wear jeans and call your boss a perverted fucker.
2. Tahoe. It looks even better than any picture you might have seen. It's the bluest and greenest waters imagineable.
3. San Francisco. It's full of old charm, interesting people, great seafood, cable cars, and the biggest Old Navy I've ever seen.
4. Alcatraz. I've been about 10 times and I still love going. If you haven't been, I definitely suggest the night tour. You cruise by the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset, loop around Alcatraz Island, and then you get to wander around it while the sun sets over you. It's absolutely gorgeous.
5. The Winchester Mystery House. Definitely one of the coolest places to go. It's the house that was built 24 hours a day every day for years and years. It's got a seance room, stairs that go to the ceiling, and a window built into the floor. Very cool.
6. Highway 1. If you've got several days to kill, it's the prettiest view on the west coast- drives right along the shore all the way down to San Diego.
7. It's extremely diverse. There are people of every ethnicity, language, sexuality, and even species there. One of my earliest mempories is seeing a half-naked woman walking down the street with her pot-bellied boyfriend on a leash and collar, his hands bound behind his back. I immediately wrote it on a post card and sent it home to my very conservative parents, saying "aren't you glad I moved here?"
8. The Terminator is the Governor. Hahahahahahahaha.
9. It's the best place to learn to drive. After all, if you can't make it here, you can't make it anywhere. And if you learn to drive the Bay Bridge every day during rush hour and manage to not miss any of your exits because you couldn't get over, and managed to not die, then nothing will ever, EVER, worry you about driving ever again.
10. The sunshine. Almost every day, you've got crystal clear blue skies.
Washington: The Good
1. Everything is scenic and beautiful.
2. There's more space...everything isn't developed, so houses are big with parking lots and huge yards.
3. It rains all of the time. And in the summer, when it's sunny and 80 degrees for three months, it's ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!
4. In California, I had to walk three blocks to where I parked my car (and paid $50 bucks a month for the spot), 4 blocks to the laundry, and 10 blocks to the grocery store (none of which had parking lots). In Washington, I have my own parking space 10 feet from my front door. I have a washer and dryer inside my apartment. And the grocery store is 3 blocks away with a HUGE parking lot.
5. Driving out to mom and dad's house is like taking a weekend trip to the country estate. They have sprawling lawns, orchards, gardens, a waterfront view, and are in the middle of a forest (for privacy).
6. Parking lots. Everywhere. And they're HUGE.
7. It's quiet. No sirens, no nutties, no frat boys, no shopping carts in the middle of the night. When you go to bed at night, you hear nothing.
8. No state income tax. Very nice.
9. If you're a nature buff, there's TONS to do- from hiking to fishing, biking, camping, and mountain climbing. I can go rafting on a river right outside my apartment. And the water is clean.
10. The clincher. Everyday, from my home, from my town, and from the whole surrounding area, this is our view...
