Looking for a great time? If all of this sounds like BUNCHES of fun to you, then go to the fair! It's open every day from 10-11 and costs $10 and oh yeah, today was the last day. Oh...you didn't make it...don't even live in Washington...hmmm....that's a bummer... But guess what? I GOT TO GO!!! And it was fabulous! I had a great time! Woohoo! Sucks to be you!!! Rocks to be me!!! :) No really, it was a good day. I haven't been to the Puyallup Fair for years and I really missed it. I mean, what is it about fairs (other than the fact that they so totally rock!)??? I think it starts when we're just little tykes and our parents take us there, stick us on a bunch of rides, get our faces painted, and feed us a bunch of fried, sugary food that we're not normally allowed to eat. And we do it every year, for the rest of our lives (here's hoping). And I think it becomes this wondrous day of gluttony- I mean, the sole purpose of the fair is to have fun. No one goes there thinking "Dammit, I have to go to the stupid fair again" (like we all think when we're heading to work or school or church). Instead, it's "yay! I'm going to the fair! I'm going to eat five thousand scones and ride the roller coaster until I puke! Woohoo!" Or at least that's what I think. So today was a good day. I went with my friend, Brandy, who had already gone twice. We started off by wandering through all of the exhibits. First we went to the Poultry Barn. In it there were a lot of chickens, including a few that had been spray-painted blue as part of some sort of "USA-Red, White, and Blue" theme. Right outside were a bunch of Tempermental Turkeys that would puff up all of their feathers and turn around, shoving their bare asses in our faces. It was really funny, because if we pissed them off even more (which means we stood a little closer to the cage and stared at them with wide, creepy eyes) they would make that really loud GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE sound and hold their breath so their faces turned a bright Violet color. Then we saw the Horses, Cows, and Pigs. We saw one horse who...ahem...demonstrated...why there exists the phrase "Hung Like a Horse." Brandy, who is clearly going to be a farmer some day, couldn't hack the pungent stench reeking from those barnyard asses and had to hang outside for fear of throwing up. The last straw, I believe, was when she turned and saw a cow who, apparently...um...had a little case of the runs, and was, as she so aptly described it, "Leaking Shit Out of its Ass." Mmmmm, tasty. I don't know though, she may have it in her yet to spend her life shoveling horse shit. What do you think? I must admit, however, that she did stay long enough to see the week-old piglets fighting to the death over their mamma's tasty titties. (However, we both remembered at the same time dissecting pigs about the same size in biology class in high school. How sad. I remember my teacher made us watch Babe and Gordy after we were done. Sick bastard.) However, this paled in comparison to the collection of Mullets I saw wandering around, as well as hot guys paired with ugly, skanky chicks (all with bad dye-jobs and caked-on eyeliner). And, in a rather touching moment of intimacy, a guy standing about 6 inches from me decided to "goose" his woman, reaching her "Front-Side Naughty Place" via her ass-crack. Brandy's response was "Well, I hope he at least bought her dinner first!" So I dragged Brandy along to see more animals, and made her watch the State Grand Championship Dog Show, an event which I won with both of my dogs. We only saw the tail end of it, but it certainly brought back happy memories. She bet that a Golden Retriever would win, and I thought the German Shorthair Pointer was looking pretty good. She was right though. (I should have remembered...Golden Retrievers RULE!!! (Miss you, Rosie!)). We were going to go on some rides, but seeing as they cost ONE DOLLAR PER TICKET and rides are SIX TICKETS making it SIX FUCKING DOLLARS PER RIDE, we decided not to. Maybe when I'm old and rich. So we settled for a gondola ride (which I think is actually called "Sky Cab" or something) that took us up and over the entire spanse of the fairgrounds. When we reached the other side, I went to hand the guy our tickets for our return trip when Brandy violently yanked them out of my hand and showed them to him. The man laughed and asked why I wasn't qualified to show him the tickets. I didn't know what to say because our cart was already leaving and I didn't know if there was proper time for something witty and sarcastic, so I just said "She's the boss!" and he laughed. But as we left, I added "Well...the word starts with a 'B' but it's not 'Boss'." Ahhh...Good Times. So, the food. Yeah, we ate a LOT of food. Brandy had a corn dog, curly fries, two sodas, an elephant ear, and half of a blooming onion. I had a piece of saltwater taffy, a soda, two scones, and the other half of the onion (which we both agreed was no Blooming Onion from the Outback Steakhouse. Mmmmm...). All in all it was a great day. I wanted to go back to get another scone to take home, but the lines were long and Master Brandy decided we HAD to leave at that EXACT moment and could NOT wait ONE more second! (She's lucky I love her enough to forgive her for such moments!). I did wait patiently, I might add, whilst she purchased all of her food including the two 10-pound bags of kettle corn she lugged around like a pregnant woman with a craving. I searched forever to find a souvenir, in case I never get to go again, and while Brandy's idea of getting a Doo-Doo Head (I think actually called a Doo-Dah Head, but I like my words better) was nice, I ended up with cute little cow that has "The Puyallup Fair" branded on it. So I say YAY to the fair. Find one near you and go to it. Eat as much food as you can hold, and go on tons of rides. Forget work and school and obligations for a day. Spend money. It will be well worth it in the years it adds to your life by getting rid of some stress. I know I definitely feel better- enough to move my IMood Indicator from "Exhausted" to "Happy". :)
How about OODLES of rides, HOT Scones (perfection!), Elephant Ears, Roasted Corn-on-the-Cob, Earthquake Burgers, HOT Scones (delicious!), Fresh Salt Water Taffy, Farm Animals as Far as the Eye Can See, Thousands of People, and oh yeah, HOT Scones (yummy!)???
We also saw a lot of hobbies and craft stuff. Most of it was uninteresting, QVC-types selling the next new Wonder-Appliance. But it did include the biggest Dahlia I've ever seen, the Record Winning Great Pumpkin (958 pounds!!!), honey bee farms, a demonstration on why we need to preserve the flood plain (the guy made me help him), free samples of chocolate milk, the Republican National Committee Stand, giant decorative landscapes comprised entirely of fruits and vegetables, a HUGE dollhouse completely decorated (inside and out), and the largest collection of Pez Dispensers I've ever seen. 
And, in keeping with Fair Tradition, we got the requisite black and white booth photos. I had to fight her for my half of the picture but she had to take up the whole damned frame, so that's why my face is cut in half.
So after seven Full-of-Fun Fair Hours, we left, touting Brandy's cheap glasses she won by tossing dimes into them, and giggling like itty-bitty school girls at the stamp the woman at the gate put on our hands that said "Thanks for Coming." In what will probably be our Greatest Moment of Immaturity we Tee-Heed over jokes like "What does the prostitute say to her customers after they leave? Thanks for Coming!" Tee hee! Tee hee!
Saturday, September 25, 2004
100 things about me
0.
10. 20. 30. 40. 50. 60. 70. 80. 90.
separate toenails that grow side by side on the same toe. I got it from my dad (isn't genetics interesting?). It sucks because the outside one gets caught on things and tears off and sometimes I'll look down and realize there's blood all over my foot.
a result, I've played tennis for 18 years, volleyball for 12 years, softball for 4 years, piano for 10 years, flute for 14 years, saxophone for 1 year, bassoon for 1 year, piccolo for 13 years, debate for 10 years, soccer for 1 year, basketball for 6 years, and showed dogs for 10 years. I took gymnastics and horseback riding lessons for three years. I was a Blue Bird and then a Girl Scout (until my parents bribed me to quit by buying me a dachshund and telling me I could show her, which was my original request. They thought my girl scouts leader was a bitch.)
pretty quickly. I know the basics in German, Spanish, and American Sign Language. I've studied (for years) French, Latin, and Italian.
Norway early on. Unfortunately, my Norwegian culture is limited to my name, occasional news of relatives that still live there (whom I've never met), and some foods that I never really noticed that other people around me don't eat (until recently)...like Lefse (yummy potato tortilla-type things with butter and cinnamon and sugar type stuff melted in the middle...mmmm).
being my absolute favorite composers). I know the Moonlight Sonata by heart, and have made people both cry and give a standing ovation by playing it. My goal now is to learn Chopin's Nocturne in C# Minor (it's the song Adrien Brody is playing in the beginning and in the preview of The Pianist).
to cyber with him. So I sent him a picture. Of a man. Happily enough, he stopped bugging me immediately.
described the exact image in my head. I was standing by the couch, and one of my brothers was calling me to him, arms open wide. I stepped out and into his arms. For the next several minutes, my brothers were calling me from one to the other, and I walked back and forth.
whatsoever.
adventures. They're always really weird and I write them all down in my journal. I like telling people about the weird and interesting ones, and they always laugh and tell me I'm strange.
with the Third Reich and anything having to do with WW2. I read every
book I came across, and was an expert on Hitler, the Nazi Party, and Germany. I got over it by junior high and have since forgotten pretty much everything.
testing things...so I'd run a 15 minute mile (because I'd walk the whole time) and never scored really high on anything because I never cared. In middle school, my competitiveness kicked in and I decided to start trying. After that, I scored in the 99th percentile on everything but the Flexed Arm Hang. I ran a 5 min 57 sec mile, and did 64 situps in a minute. :)
and the chicken I was cooking smelled so good I kept nibbling at it, then decided I missed it too much and said fuck it to the whole thing. I haven't looked back since.
couch, in class, on the bus, on the floor of a bus, and if I drink enough, with my head propped up against the corner of a desk.
into an argument, they do everything they can to make me feel as horrible as
possible- from calling me names, to trying to turn people against me, to actually physically trying to hurt me. We're not in junior high anymore and it's not worth it.
Dark Brown, and Black. I fried it so badly once that the top part broke in half and fell off. When I dyed it black, it was only supposed to be temporary. But when it still hadn't faded after a month, I noticed that the bottom of the box said that if you had hair lighter than a brunette, the color would not come out. Thanks fuckers. So I had to bleach it to get the color out, and the color hair you see in my picture above was the color I got. On a related note, whereas I'd worn mostly gray and black before, I started wearing more colorful clothes (if you're White and you have dyed Black hair, you look Goth, which I wasn't). This trend has continued, and now I wear all colors, even Orange occasionally.
to Lake Tahoe late at night. I've gotten lost in the woods for an entire day. I like to just get in the car and go somewhere. Most of the time I can't find someone to go with me, in which case I've become used to going on my own.
At some point I have to tell them to just shut up and let things be. I find it ironic because I'm going to be a lawyer, and all of my friends are debaters, two attributes that make people extremely argumentative.
boyfriend. I mean, you've got other friends to bitch at...are you really that stupid that you think I'd be sympathetic to you, want to get involved, or want to hear it at all?
to or don't know who they are. And this is after I've cleaned it out. This includes people I've never known (but found them on a list for Interview with the Vampire) named Armand, Lestat, and Louis whom I put on there years ago just for kicks.
Greenlight's Screenplay Contest. We wrote over 300 pages in one month, long distance, over the phone. We didn't win, but everyone who commented said our writing was amazing.
and told me to read more. So I started reading Nancy Drew and romance novels. After my parents made me go to bed I would read with a flashlight for hours. My mom would come by and check to see if she could see light under the door, so I had to be really careful about it.
employee and is why I've been a manager for years now. When I work, whether it's counting money or closing up shop, I can do the exact same thing every night and not forget a detail from the very start.
it. Unfortunately.
sauce, and honey mustard.
somehow reflecting that. When I'm driving, and I sense a car is about to pull out in front of me, I point at it and tell it to stay, without even thinking about it. It always works!
dad = one well protected girl. That's right...you don't want to mess with me, cuz after I get done with you, you've got five buff and brawny men coming after your sorry ass.
is absolutely beautiful. I think Roy Dupuis is really really HOT. I still have Peta Wilson on my computer desktop, and I'd kill to be as beautiful and kick-ass as she is. My second favorite show is Golden Girls.
happy. When I'm sad, I seem sad. I usually suck at lying (so my mother tells me) (then again, she always thinks I'm lying). When I don't like someone, it's goes against everything in my nature to pretend to like them. I can be civil, but I can't talk shit about how much I hate someone and then turn around and tell them they're my best friend. I wouldn't say I'm blunt...just obvious.
< ? 100 Things # >
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Washington v. California
During my years in California, I found myself often regaling the folks there with stories of Washington. And since I've returned to Washington, mine is the voice that speaks to the nature of the Californian. I consider both states a home, and as such, have my likes and dislikes about both of them. So I thought I'd share.
California: The Bad
1. Nutties and Crazies everywhere, always harassing you for change, food, alcohol, or their pet squidget named Muddy McForbanks.
2. Everything is brown and there are few trees. My nickname for it was "The Wasteland."
3. Things are massively more expensive (especially apartments: take for example, a huge 1 Bedroom apartment. In Berkeley, $1600 a month, and it's actually a tiny 1 bedroom apartment, with no closet space. In Auburn, $550 a month, and not only is it huge, but you've got a full kitchen, giant living room, dining room, bathroom, walk-in closets, and a patio. See what I mean?)
4. Lower minimum wage ($6.75 in CA, $7.16 in WA).
5. More pollution, meaning constantly hazy skies and water that smells like ass.
6. Bazillions more people, meaning more competition for jobs, apartments, and most importantly, parking spaces.
7. Lots of hippies who abhor cars and refuse to make any more parking spaces.
8. Traffic. All of the time. Everywhere.
9. It's really loud all of the time, everywhere. It's surprising how you find that you can get used to things like police sirens, fire engines, car alarms, traffic, people yelling, and shopping carts going up and down the sidewalk all night long.
10. Hypocrites. People who make over 6-digit incomes a year, drive their SUVs to work, mow down all the surrounding trees, and would sell their own children for the heck of it who pretend to be peace-loving, tree-hugging, homeless-helping, good people. Assholes.
Washington: The Bad
1. Single-minded back-country hicks. They're everywhere.
2. It rains all of the time. No really. All of the time.
3. Everyone is really religious so you can't talk about things like "goat-fucking" without someone getting offended. Psh!
4. There isn't a whole lot of diversity. You've met one person...you've met them all.
5. My hometown has had the highest teenage pregnancy rate for decades. Enough said.
6. My hometown is also home to the serial killer to kill the MOST people in the entire history of the United States AKA The Green River Killer. Washington also holds claim to other serial killers, including Ted Bundy, who went to school with several of my friends' parents.
7. Mullets. They're everywhere.
8. If you don't want to drink or see a movie and you're not a major nature buff, there's nothing to do. And there's nowhere to go to do anything either. Might as well drink.
9. The whole place resembles the scene in the movie entitled "great place to dump a body." Makes you feel real safe.
10. Lots of Native American Reservations, which serves as a constant reminder of what the government has done to them, as well as provides tons of casinos everywhere. Casinos are fun. But they're ugly.
California: The Good
1. There are jobs where there is less restraint on your appearance and actions...meaning you can wear jeans and call your boss a perverted fucker.
2. Tahoe. It looks even better than any picture you might have seen. It's the bluest and greenest waters imagineable.
3. San Francisco. It's full of old charm, interesting people, great seafood, cable cars, and the biggest Old Navy I've ever seen.
4. Alcatraz. I've been about 10 times and I still love going. If you haven't been, I definitely suggest the night tour. You cruise by the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset, loop around Alcatraz Island, and then you get to wander around it while the sun sets over you. It's absolutely gorgeous.
5. The Winchester Mystery House. Definitely one of the coolest places to go. It's the house that was built 24 hours a day every day for years and years. It's got a seance room, stairs that go to the ceiling, and a window built into the floor. Very cool.
6. Highway 1. If you've got several days to kill, it's the prettiest view on the west coast- drives right along the shore all the way down to San Diego.
7. It's extremely diverse. There are people of every ethnicity, language, sexuality, and even species there. One of my earliest mempories is seeing a half-naked woman walking down the street with her pot-bellied boyfriend on a leash and collar, his hands bound behind his back. I immediately wrote it on a post card and sent it home to my very conservative parents, saying "aren't you glad I moved here?"
8. The Terminator is the Governor. Hahahahahahahaha.
9. It's the best place to learn to drive. After all, if you can't make it here, you can't make it anywhere. And if you learn to drive the Bay Bridge every day during rush hour and manage to not miss any of your exits because you couldn't get over, and managed to not die, then nothing will ever, EVER, worry you about driving ever again.
10. The sunshine. Almost every day, you've got crystal clear blue skies.
Washington: The Good
1. Everything is scenic and beautiful.
2. There's more space...everything isn't developed, so houses are big with parking lots and huge yards.
3. It rains all of the time. And in the summer, when it's sunny and 80 degrees for three months, it's ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!
4. In California, I had to walk three blocks to where I parked my car (and paid $50 bucks a month for the spot), 4 blocks to the laundry, and 10 blocks to the grocery store (none of which had parking lots). In Washington, I have my own parking space 10 feet from my front door. I have a washer and dryer inside my apartment. And the grocery store is 3 blocks away with a HUGE parking lot.
5. Driving out to mom and dad's house is like taking a weekend trip to the country estate. They have sprawling lawns, orchards, gardens, a waterfront view, and are in the middle of a forest (for privacy).
6. Parking lots. Everywhere. And they're HUGE.
7. It's quiet. No sirens, no nutties, no frat boys, no shopping carts in the middle of the night. When you go to bed at night, you hear nothing.
8. No state income tax. Very nice.
9. If you're a nature buff, there's TONS to do- from hiking to fishing, biking, camping, and mountain climbing. I can go rafting on a river right outside my apartment. And the water is clean.
10. The clincher. Everyday, from my home, from my town, and from the whole surrounding area, this is our view...
Thursday, September 09, 2004
100 Things that piss me off
2. Irate customers who think that they deserve to be treated like royalty and you, the employee, like trash.
3. Commercials about drugs that ask "is this drug right for you" without telling you what it treats.
4. Telemarketers. It's a shitty job, but if you ask me, they're asking for whatever angry responses they get from people.
5. Banks and their bureaucratic policies. Policies, for example, that say even though you make a deposit and a withdrawal at the same time on the same day, if the withdrawal somehow overdraws you, and they can charge you $22.00 for it, then the deposit will count as having been placed into the account AFTER the withdrawal took place. Magically.
6. Huge, hairy spiders that wait until I'm just about to get into bed to decide to crawl across my pillow or bedroom ceiling.
7. Anything that wakes me up in the morning. The phone. Nutties on the street. Car alarms. Drunk people. Next door neighbors who decide to chain a young dog outside their apartment and ignore it while it yaps its head off.
8. People who drive in the fastlane going the exact speed limit or below.
9. Those irritating folks in class who think they know everything and are willing to proclaim their idiocy to the entire room, as well as make fun of those around them who actually DO know what they're talking about. Like this girl I knew in college who would make fun of the shy kids who ventured to raise their hands during discussion.
10. Pedestrians in the Bay Area...they're everywhere!
11. Any commercial on TV about insurance or car dealerships...especially if they're shown at 4AM.
12. Vending machines that refuse to take anything but a newly minted, perfectly straight and crisp dollar bill.
13. Anyone who is nice to your face and talks shit behind your back.
14. Passive aggressiveness.
15. Bad leaders.
16. Stores that encourage their salespeople to follow you around and constantly ask if you need help. Like the Gap in downtown Berkeley and any Nordstroms.
17. Lies.
18. Bigots.
19. Anyone who says gay people should not be allowed to marry.
20. Ignorance.
21. Those who argue Russia and China were really communist and all democrats should be called "comrade."
22. People who talk on cell phones while they're driving. You can always tell because they're driving really slow and in multiple lanes.
23. People who talk on cell phones really loudly in quiet places...like the library or bookstore or movie theater.
24. Hippies.
25. The rich yuppies that live on the hill in Berkeley, who wear hiking sandals and ride bikes downtown, proclaiming to love the poor and the environment but treat customer service folks like shit and drive their SUVs to work.
26. Hypocrisy.
27. Flakiness.
28. My mother when she assumes that because I haven't called for a couple of days that I must be dead on top of a mountain or have moved to Mexico to give birth to the love child of my latest conquest.
29. Men.
30. Every time a man says "I just got out of a relationship and am not ready to get into another one." What, do I look stupid? Besides, you can go fuck yourself. All I asked is if you wanted some water.
31. Brad Pitt and the fact that he keeps deluding himself to believe he'll be happy with anyone but me.
32. Totally Repressed Females. Just think of the sorority girl stereotype and you'll know what I mean.
33. The fact that banks and post offices are closed on sunday.
34. Albertson's and their whole campaign when Safeway came out with the Safeway card, saying that "you don't need a card to save at Albertson's." How long was it until they sold themselves out on that one and came out with the Albertson's card?
35. Cats when they spontaneously scratch the hell out of your hand after you've been peacefully petting them for a while.
36. The movie Eye of the Beholder. It sucked. I want the two hours of my life back.
37. People who talk, chew their nails, floss, or breathe heavily during movies.
38. Anyone who knocks on my door selling something or promoting a religion.
39. The junk mail I continuously get in my mailbox. It's just a waste of paper.
40. Sneezes that are teasing me and won't either let me sneeze or go away for good.
41. Anyone who justifies doing something illogical simply "on principle."
42. The guidance counselor at my old high school who told my brother he wouldn't get into Harvard (even though he had straight As and a 1600 on his SATs) and who wondered why in the hell I would think of applying to UC Berkeley (because I thought I would be accepted and WAS you asshole).
43. Those kids we all wish we could go back in time to meet- high school and junior high- and tell them off just because they think they're smarter, funnier, sexier, and more popular than us (but we know are just more insecure, stupid, and ugly).
44. Anyone who thinks that they deserve a refund even after they've watched the entire movie or eaten the entire plate of food.
45. Moochers who reach over and grab things off of your plate without even asking.
46. People in amazing cars (like Porsches) who either drive like old bitties or really badly.
47. When the vibrator breaks or runs out of battery power when you're halfway through.
48. When the guy breaks or runs out of battery power when you're halfway through.
49. Murderers.
50. Intolerance.
51. The ending of Romeo and Juliet. Wake up dammit!
52. That they cancelled La Femme Nikita.
53. Boyfriends who leave without telling you why.
54. That the official soda of UC Berkeley (whose colors are Blue and Gold) is Coke, which is red, and the same color as Berkeley's rival, Stanford.
55. Hangovers.
56. Taxes.
57. Bubble gum packs that explode inside your bag and leave sticky sticks of gum everywhere.
58. Anything that interrupts regularly scheduled broadcasting. Especially baseball games and presidential speeches.
59. People who think that my car is a cop car and not only slam on their brakes but go BELOW the speed limit.
60. The extension cord at work that always just slightly shocks me when I plug it in. If I ever die of electrocution, please use this post as a way to get money from the bastards that A)made it and B)made me use it.
61. The Band-Aid gunk that gets left behind on your skin and collects all manners of dirt and fuzzies.
62. People who freak out at ridiculous and inconsequential things.
63. People who get their kicks off of masturbating next to someone in a movie theater. Dammit, you're ruining my movie and NO ONE wants to see that.
64. My back because it hurts.
65. People who steal right out underneath my nose and do it so badly that I know it.
66. Standardized tests...not everyone thinks in multiple choice!!!
67. The plastic wrappers on CDs that are impossible to open.
68. Bitches...for an explanation, go HERE.
69. Labels.
70. Words like "hella" "hecka" and "hells yeah."
71. Pubic hairs and the fact that they're EVERYWHERE.
72. Trying to find the ringing cell phone buried in the bottom of my purse.
73. When things get underneath my fingernails.
74. Roadkill.
75. Work.
76. Anyone who comes by money easily.
77. Drivers who don't take advantage of free right turns.
78. Pop up ads.
79. Gina Gershon's mouth.
80. Denise Richards when she tries to act.
81. People who try to sound smart by using a lot of big words but only end up making unintelligible sentences, uninteresting sentences.
82. Gender stereotypes.
83. The bottom dollar.
84. Useless death.
85. Whiners.
86. Being sick.
87. Fake boobs.
88. Movies that cop out and take the easy plot home instead of delving into something more original and interesting. Like Identity.
89. Frat boys. The free drinks for girls at parties rocks. But the 200 barely post-pubescent boys running around trying to look cool and get laid is irritating.
90. People who have to stare at your tits at the gym like it's a frigging meat market.
91. Men in Radio Shack and hardware stores who assume just because I'm a girl, I must either be lost or have no idea what I'm looking for.
92. The same men who don't know what a digital coaxial cable is or where it's kept at the same stores after I give in and tell them what I need.
93. People who assume because a girl knows how to fix basic things, drive a car well, play sports, and stand up for herself she must have been a tomboy growing up.
94. Mustaches.
95. Pretentious pricks who try to be cool by pretending to know a foreign language, but obviously don't.
96. People who buy plants and know they'll probably end up killing them.
97. Anyone who buts a Betta in a cup and tries to sell it.
98. The people who thought up that stupid kittens in bottles web page and tried to market it as a real commodity.
99. When I get to the grocery store and totally forget everything I needed to buy.
100. Making this list. It took too many damned hours!!
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