I read magazines from back to front. When I get on a roller coaster, I scream bloody murder, yet insist on sitting in the front car and keeping my eyes open. I must always carry chapstick. In my room there is a box full of things I want to do with my life, and I just did one last weekend. Playing piano is my secret passion. (That, and Star Trek: The Next Generation). When it’s raining, you can find me dancing in the middle of the street. If you see me crying, it’s probably because I just saw a Porsche being driven 20 miles below the speed limit. I hate having pictures taken of me, and I’m always writing stories in my head. Quite accidentally, on my bookshelves I have Fix it and Forget it: Recipes for Entertaining next to The Lord of the Flies; The Bible in between The Closing of the American Mind and Heart of Darkness; and The Feminine Mystique surrounded by semi-trashy romance novels. I can distinguish the ironic from the sad. I hate it when drivers don’t wave after you let them pull out in front of you. People who lack deadpan, sarcastic, witty, dry senses of humor often think I hate them at first – mostly because they don’t realize everything I say is the creation of my deadpan, sarcastic, witty, dry sense of humor. And yes, that is the proper grammar. I simply cannot stand being bored. As a result, I’m really good at self-entertainment. Instead of a green thumb, I have a green hand. I love helping people when they aren’t asking for it. I’ve got a black belt in debating and am not afraid to use it if you deserve it. My golden retriever, Rosie, was one of my best friends in the world. I am definitely a Gemini and definitely not schizophrenic. The voices in my head agree. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me what I want to do with my life, I would be really good at nailing people in the head with nickels. I enjoy Garfield, peanut sauce, the sound of fast typing, and Aquafina. I am kidding with you 99% of the time and if you can’t handle that then you better walk away now. My cat, Loki, is the only animal in my family raised solely by me. She is independent, loving, never boring, afraid of nothing, loves to play, hates being in a cage, and is quite the little bitch. Nicely enough, my dad always says she’s definitely MY cat. I am outgoing and assertive, yet still that shy little girl peeking out at the other kids from behind her mommy’s back. I remember everything. Ignorance in others brings out the verbal predator in me. I suck at mailing things. Once, I asked for an “iced hot chocolate” at Starbucks and the woman gave me chocolate milk. There are two things I take very seriously: driving and going to the movies. I love people who always say please and thank you. I hate people who take risks without appreciating them. I’m good at keeping in touch. I believe you can find out a lot about a person just by fighting with them. Since I am the youngest of five and the only girl, I have a lot of experience with this. I think I believe in reincarnation…or at least I did in a past life. I know that if I ever go skydiving, they will have to physically throw me from the plane, but once I land I will ecstatically want to go again. I think a man in a black beanie is oh so sexy, unless he’s robbing something. I love my family, even if they do tease me incessantly. Then again, so do most people. Apparently I learned to talk when I was one year old and haven’t stopped since. No matter what happens I know life goes on. Some people think I’m quiet. I have a tendency to always look at the world and think, “Now, if we were in a movie, here’s what would happen next.” At any given moment I am reading five different books. I really love first-person shooter video games. In my life I’ve had 29 cats, 5 dogs, 1 rabbit, 2 iguanas, 2 geese, 4 goats, and a plethora of fish (including Dinglebob and Biffledorf, my two goldfish). I’ve been called the dumbest smart person. No matter where my career goes, I will always be a writer. No matter how long I live, I will always be a smartass. At the end of the day, I’m always sorry it’s over. In the morning, I’m always excited for what’s to come. During the time in between, I dream in epic sagas and must always have chapstick and a glass of water by my side. If you’ve made it this far, kudos. If you want more, see the rest of my blog. If you’re expecting answers, you’ll only get questions. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you’re expecting this list to end, it never will so I’ll just stop. (For everything else, please speak with my receptionist).
